you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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