I think I am morally bankrupt
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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