the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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