are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
