i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
