remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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