hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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