Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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