I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
