just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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