You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
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Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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