I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
