the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
