4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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