More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
