Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
