he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
