soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
