sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
