I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
