I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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