Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the condom got lost in my hair
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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