I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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