And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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