I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
