you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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