He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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