i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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