wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
