I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a beard to bite.
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