just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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