Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
