i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His hands were made for my vagina.
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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