I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
