i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
