im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
