whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
