I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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