I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
