so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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