just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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