All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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