OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
