It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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