Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
