i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
