The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
