Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
