I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
