your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
