life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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