I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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