I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
