Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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