Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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