I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
