I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
