So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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