first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
