I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
