dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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