Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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