They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
