swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
