I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
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I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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