I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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