my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
