he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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