try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
