My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
