He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
