if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
