we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
