Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
