the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
