I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
