party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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