Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
