So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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