2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
