omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
