The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
