Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
