Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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