between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
